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Saturday, September 22 2018 @ 09:34 AM PDT

Kid humor

HumorThere's a fine line between funny and annoying.

"I would say 'I don't make the rules, I just enforce them' but I do make the rules."


"Shannon, you're sitting on the couch watching TV, and I'm putting away your clothes. What's wrong with this picture?"

"I don't have chips."


Shannon is always razzing me about our difference in ages (I was 40 when she was born):

There's a local FM channel called "Charlie FM", which plays a broader range of music than most stations. Anyway, I sometimes find myself head-bobbing to sixties tunes.

This makes Shannon indignant. "Dad! No head-bobbing!"

"But," I say "My generation invented the head-bob."

Shannon responds "Dad, your generation invented the wheel.


Me: When I was young, FM was a relitively new thing.

Shannon: Dad, when you were young, fire was a relitively new thing.


"Eww. Not ok. Ancient gods making out. Not good for child's eyes."

(During an episode of "charmed".)


During Summer 2007, Shannon decided to wear a Santa Claus hat wherever she went. At the zoo, a guy asked her why she was wearing the hat. She said "I'm Santa Claus. I'm in disguise."

The guy said "So, where's my pony?"

Without missing a beat, Shannon said "I'm sorry, we don't ship live animals anymore."


Late 2007 I was looking for a new place to work out, and found a Wing Chun school online that's a short drive from my work. So last night Shannon and I drove downtown to visit.

So we parked off Burnside, walked to the place, and the address listed is -- I kid you not -- an, um, underwear store. The complicated kind. Shannon says this must be the secret thong sect of lingerie kung fu. (Where does she get this stuff?)


If it doesn't have crunch berries, it's Craptain Crunch


It's a big truck, and parking is a precise operation not unlike docking a ship in harbor. Because of the truck's length and the narrow confines of modern parking lots, I usually have to do at least one back-and-fill to get straight in the space.

Once, while doing this, I heard frantic honking. "Honk honk honk hoooooonnnnkkkkk" I checked all my corners and glanced at the backup camera. "I don't see anything. What's the deal? It sounds like I'm backing over a kitten or something."

Shanon replied "I don't think kittens make that noise."

We both burst out laughing.

"But it'd be cool if they did. "

"For awhile, but I bet you'd get tired of it."


I hadn't been sleeping well, so had been going back to bed for an hour after seeing the girls off to work and school.

Monday morning, I was woken by a frantic call from Shannon at school. She can't find her assignment, and wants me to email it to her so she can print it out in the resource room.

Still not completely awake, I stumble upstairs to do that.

I expect her to text me back that she received it, but nothing.

So finally I text her "Got it?"

She replies "ya".

I wait a little longer, but there's no further communication.

Finally I text "Most people would say 'thank you' at this point".

A few seconds later, she replies "You're welcome".


Shannon and her mom are walking to her bus stop. As they passed houses, they saw a large rat dead in a driveway, on it's back with feet sticking up in the air.

Mom: "There's not a mark on it. I wonder how it died?"

Shannon: "Well, some animals just can't handle the wild."

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